Why I write both healthy and toxic relationships in my romance stories?

Short answer

Because that is life and realistic. I write romance and mysteries but I want to have little bit more realism into my stories. Also I don’t romanticize toxic relationships or abuse. I like to show difference what should be goals in a relationship and what should never be even considered as relationship goals.

Long answer

I believe that as a writers and authors we do have some responsibility about what type of behavior and examples we give for the young readers. Because there will always be young readers. None of us can’t prevent young readers to read our books. No matter how much they are marked +18 or Mature. Those younger readers do find their way to get their hands on these books.

And as society we have all these online adult websites making abuse and violence under disguise it “adult content for pleasure”. While normalizing all that violence and abuse to young people. We don’t need young boys learn that being abusive and violent is the normal. We don’t need young girls start to believe even more that these abusive guys are the ones who actually love them. That abusive toxic relationships are true love. Because that is the message they all get in media, television, books, social media and adult sites. They should never supposed to even have access to the adult sites online. There is so much harm these adult site cause for children. There are 6 years old children who has addiction for adult content. 6 years old! What was your addiction when you were 6 years old? Mine addiction at age of 6 were extreme sports and chocolate.

I have been years supporter of this wonderful organization called Exodus Cry They are fighting to get all those adult sites behind 18+ age verification. Children and teenagers don’t need access to that. And they fight for the freedom of all sex trafficking victims. They are doing really great job and one of the ways people can help is the cultural change.

And as a writer I want to make my part of that change and impact. No matter how small it is. It will be still better than being the ones that are supporting it getting worse and worse. Not only for people who are alive now. No it is making it worse for the future generations. Cultural change takes long time. Everyone who is truly read and study history knows that change is not fast or all of the sudden. It takes long time. It looks some cases very sudden sometimes but it has been years in making sometimes decades or hundreds of years.

Romance novel market is a billion dollar a industry

To say it doesn’t have a impact to people or culture is absolutely false. Of course it does. Billion dollar industries has quite big impact for culture and society. Written word has always and will be powerful. It will last and has a impact. It leaves a mark in people also in the culture and society.

And claims that romance books or “smut” books will not last that they will be forgotten. I would like to remind anyone who thinks like that. If over 230 year later Marquis de Sade books are still published and sold. To say books will not last is not true. Marquis de Sade books are infamous. Unfortunately I have read them. So I’m well aware the type of books they are and the content. But that shows well how books with toxic content can last over 230 years. Continue to influence people and culture. Books are never harmless

Truth is books will last of course there trends and times some are popular. Some books will become big hit others are sold just few copies. But what is published will last and there will copies of books that will last long time. Books have real and far greater impact that most people understand. Especially those who doesn’t read will not understand how big impact single book can have person. There has been so many books that had really big impact to me.

Mixture of healthy and toxic relationships

Those are some of the reason why I choose not to romanticize toxic relationships. Even though I write it really heavy and dark topics and themes. Other really big reason is that I was in toxic and emotionally abusive relationship when I was teenager. I had seen abusive and toxic relationships before that. Swearing that I would never end up in one. Because I did know better. And I saw how horrible it was be in one. And I still end up in one.

So I know how easy it is to end up in bad relationship and how much harder is to get out. But I also know how blind people can be for toxic and abusive relationship. How they don’t see abuse that is going on others relationship or even their own relationship. It is so easy miss the signs of abuse. Also abuse never starts in public space. It starts behind closed doors. And we can never truly know what happens behind the close doors. But there are signs. Or people who have grown up with abusive family members who does not understand how bad and toxic it is. Because them it ist he only normal ever known. Are as blind as people who have never seen any abuse or toxic behavior. Who can’t understand not everyone has the same loving upbringing.

That is also what I want in my stories showing the all sides. Both sides inside relationship. And how others in outside see things between them. And to give readers to healthy and good relationship to see and compare what it should be. And what should never been called love or tolerate in a relationship.

These are why I have both toxic and healthy relationships in my stories. And it goes from romantic, family to friendships. Not only romantic relationships. But any type of relationship just like in real life it can be healthy or toxic.